Questioning Conventional Wisdom

An urban legend is something that gets repeated so often, that it becomes part of our collective “common knowledge.” It’s something “everybody knows.” The field of communication is not immune. Just like urban legends, there are statements about communication that have been repeated so frequently, they are taken as facts. When you peel away the veneer, you’ll find people believe them because of repetition rather than any research findings. They often contain downright false information. Because people rely on them as principles or rules of communication, that makes them dangerous to productivity and efficiency. Here are seven examples of conventional wisdom about communication and why it’s dangerous to believe them.

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1. A person will avoid eye contact when lying.

It is a popular myth in American culture that avoiding eye contact is a sure sign of deceit. For example, when we suspect children are being untruthful, we often say “Look me in the eye and tell me that.” The fact is, those who choose to practice deceit have no compunction whatsoever about maintaining direct eye contact while lying. Danger: If we rely primarily on eye contact as an indication of veracity, we risk being deceived by an artful liar. Further, not all cultures value making direct eye contact. When we impose our own cultural preferences on others, we risk misinterpreting their behavior.

2. The facts will speak for themselves

When Joe Friday of Dragnet fame asks for “Just the facts, maam”,
it’s the same as equating information with communication. Every description is infused with the viewpoint of the narrator. Even “objective” statistics need a little help to be understood. At the very least, they require the appropriate context and framework. For example, it’s no use telling me that a patient’s hemoglobin count is four unless I know the normal range is between nine and eighteen. Danger: Because we have the appropriate context in which to interpret data, we assume those we are communicating with do as well. If they don’t, we are providing only information, not knowledge.

3. Nonverbal communication is 93% of the message.

The problem with this statement should be evident in the fact that the % varies from 40%-93%. Professor Albert Mehrabian conducted research into how people who knew each other well (or didn’t) communicated emotion. From his findings, people tried to apply the very specific conditions of his research to communication in general. It doesn’t work. Both cultures and individuals have different preferences for communicating through specific communication channels; visual, vocal and verbal. Danger: If we really believe that 93% of the message is nonverbal, we risk focusing on what could be superficial aspects of the message at the expense of the substantive.


4. The more communication the better

Too often, efforts to improve communication get operationalized as increasing communication. More communication is often the prescription, but rarely the remedy. Simply using more words doesn’t make your meaning clearer. One consequence of life in the information age is an exponential increase in the amount of information we have to sift through. We are inundated with spam in our inboxes, and junk in our mailboxes. What we really need to lead and manage better is the appropriate kind of communication. Danger: If you include too much information, the most important message will be indistinguishable from the rest.


5. Conflict is something to avoid in meetings.

Although we tend to attach negative feelings to it, conflict is a natural part of human interaction. It’s much more productive to approach conflict armed with different strategies to manage it, rather than trying to avoid it all together. Properly channelled, conflict can help test assumptions and prevent the illusion of unanimity. Danger: When we over-emphasize the importance of “everyone getting along”, we may fail to point out what we know is faulty information or flawed reasoning. This affects the quality of decisions. Another danger is focusing on a superficial “politeness” at the expense of substance.

6. Emotion is the opposite of logic.

We often hear the phrase, “Don’t be so emotional. Be more logical.” This assumes logic and emotion are opposites. However, it’s perfectly logical to be angry about an injustice or afraid of the consequences of unhealthy behavior. Emotion and logic are not opposites. They are different ways of experiencing. The key is finding productive ways to channel and express emotions. Danger: If we believe that emotions are never logical, we lose the ability to empathise, explain motivations, and use one of the most powerful tools of persuasion.

7. The only bad question is the one that doesn’t get asked.

This phrase is repeated so often, it has become a cliché’. With this as their mantra, people feel they have license to ask a question without regard to the topic at hand. Danger: In meetings, or decision-making settings, this can lead the group terribly off-track and waste time and resources.

Don’t fall victim to these urban legends. Whether it’s your business, your professional life or your social interactions, being aware of these common myths will make you a more successful communicator. ©2006 Peak Communication Performance

As the leading authority on the language of influence, Dr. Joseph Sommerville shows professionals how to increase visibility, credibility and sales through more persuasive communication. 1,500 audiences from 25 countries have benefited from his programs on how to increase business through better communication. He is the President of Peak Communication Performance (www.peakcp.com). Book him to speak to your organization at Sommerville@Peakcp.Com